The Many Adventures of Jonathan

Jonathan has had insomnia for a long time. He used to take Ambien for it, and recently he's started taking it again. He was prescribed small pills, which he could take one or two at a time. He has been taking one, but a few nights ago he upped the dosage to two. Hilarity ensued.

As soon as he took it, he started babbling about how fantastic it was. "This is why people pay for these on the street! This is so intense! Did you feel that? It's intense!" I told him that no, I couldn't feel it, as I do not suffer from insomnia and therefore did not take any sleeping pills.

Next he decided he needed to call some people and share his experience with the world. "Get me the phone! I need to call Josh and be funny!" So he called my brother Josh, informed him that he (Jonathan) was going to be funny, and slurred his words. Josh listened for a few minutes, then hung up. Our friend Camilla was next on his list. She didn't answer the phone, but this didn't fully register. So he left a slurred, fairly incoherent message which included some singing. Then he called her back and left a similar message. Finally he called one of his friends who knew him back when he used to take Ambien. From this friend, he got the idea that dancing would be a good idea.

So Jon got up and started disco-ing. Then he stumbled into the kitchen for some reason known only to himself. Unfortunately, his muscles were not cooperating very well. I helped him back into the living room, where he decided he needed to learn the "thingy". I asked him what he was talking about. "The thingy! Teach me the thingy!" It turned out he meant the cha-cha. So I showed him a little bit on the condition that next he would go to bed.

He didn't. Next he lay down on the floor and waxed philosophical. "Let's just be," he said. I asked if we could "be" with pillows. "No, let's just be." Shortly thereafter, he announced that the medicine had worn off and he wasn't drowsy anymore. "Let's go watch Arrested Development!" So we went to watch Arrested Development. I could tell he was awake because he laughed at every joke, but I could also tell he was tired because his laughter lagged about five seconds behind the jokes.

Last night he took Ambien again. This time it was significantly less crazy. The best part was when he informed me that we need to have a baby so we can put knickers and a petticoat on it. I asked if both the knickers and the petticoat were essential, and he said they were. "The petticoat will keep the baby warm." Then he said that the baby would need a lamp as well. "Not a candle, but a lamp."

He finally went to sleep, and I was left only with these stories and the firm conviction that Ambien is "intense", but only if you actually take it.