I used to think I was a healthy, sane person. And then I realized how very, very crazy I am.
For one thing, I hear things that aren't there. Usually it's my cell phone. About eight times a day I hear a faint "Message received." I grab my phone, flip it open, and see that I have no new text messages. When I'm expecting a phone call, I hear my phone ringing, grab it, and see that there is, in fact, nobody calling. Why? Because I'm crazy.
For another thing, I do and say crazy things. This usually happens late at night. One night last week I was mostly asleep and started babbling. For some reason I thought that I really needed a horse so I would be ready for the Apocalypse. Right. I also wanted a brown soy cow so I would always have access to chocolate soy milk. Why? Again, I am crazy.
My third point that proves conclusively how insane I am is what I did when I was arranging this semester's schedule. For some inexplicable reason, I thought it would be a good idea to sign up for a block class. Not a block class that ends halfway through the semester, mind you. Nope. That would make too much sense. I signed up for a class that begins halfway through the semester. As if this wasn't crazy enough, it starts at 8:00 in the morning and is three hours long. Why? I must be crazy.
Sunday, February 28, 2010
Sunday, February 21, 2010
Church
Today I went to church. These are a few of the thoughts that occurred to me while I was there.
It's a bad sign when somebody starts a comment with "I don't know which apostle said this, but I'm pretty sure it was an apostle."
Do we know exactly what happened in the pre-existence, or what Satan/Lucifer was thinking? I don't think so. Judging by the heated debate (which led to the previous point), if there is somebody who knows, they have not passed on their knowledge to the rest of us. Maybe they tried, and we just didn't listen, but it is not common knowledge. I don't think Satan was trying to do a noble thing for us.
I wish I had emailed myself the right file so I could teach Sunday School without ad-libbing.
Why are we talking about gay marriage and R-rated movies?
Of all the days I haven't had to speak in Sacrament meeting, this is the one I'm most grateful for. All the speakers had to talk about the law of chastity. I understand that it's an important topic, but I don't want to be the one laying down the law for the entire ward.
It's a bad sign when somebody starts a comment with "I don't know which apostle said this, but I'm pretty sure it was an apostle."
Do we know exactly what happened in the pre-existence, or what Satan/Lucifer was thinking? I don't think so. Judging by the heated debate (which led to the previous point), if there is somebody who knows, they have not passed on their knowledge to the rest of us. Maybe they tried, and we just didn't listen, but it is not common knowledge. I don't think Satan was trying to do a noble thing for us.
I wish I had emailed myself the right file so I could teach Sunday School without ad-libbing.
Why are we talking about gay marriage and R-rated movies?
Of all the days I haven't had to speak in Sacrament meeting, this is the one I'm most grateful for. All the speakers had to talk about the law of chastity. I understand that it's an important topic, but I don't want to be the one laying down the law for the entire ward.
Wednesday, February 17, 2010
On Facebook
A fairly recent trend on Facebook is for people to become "fans" of various people, things, and statements. For example, I log onto Facebook and in my news feed I read "Nancy H became a fan of 'I dont care about your farm, or your fish, or your park, or your mafia!!!'" and "Emily P became a fan of 'oh great now that song's stuck in my head all day and i only know 1 line.', 'When I'm home alone and I hear a noise, I suddenly go ninja', and 'I hate it when I wake up in the morning and Barack Obama is President.'"
This is all well and good. Sometimes the statements themselves are somewhat amusing. Sometimes it's enlightening to see what my friends are fans of. And sometimes I just have to wonder why anyone feels the need to point out that they are a fan of something.
For example, "I hate it when I lose in an argument." and "Questions on a test that give away the answers to other questions", and "I love those moments where you just smile and think, "i love life." Is there anybody who likes to lose an argument or who doesn't like questions that give away the answers to other questions? Are we going to see counter pages for these? "I love losing arguments and hate it when I win." "I want my tests to be as difficult as possible. No extra points for me, please!" (Just to check, I searched for these on facebook. There were about 500 pages for "I hate life", but none that said they like hating it. There also was a result for "i hate it when one lil argument causes a fight and you lose a friend :(" I'm sure we can all get behind that.)
Then there are the ones that follow the formula "Can this [food item or other silly thing] get more fans than [celebrity or popular movement]?" For example, "Can this pickle get more fans than Nickleback?" "can this sausage roll get more fans than cheryl cole?" "Can this Pickle get more fans than Twilight?" "Can this Squirrel get more fans than Barack Obama?" "Can this poodle wearing a tinfoil hat get more fans than Glenn Beck?" "Can This Hobo Get More Fans Than Justin Bieber?" And approximately 500 more.
I think I'm going to make a page called "I like being happy." I imagine I will get thousands of fans. You should all join. If you don't, it means you hate happiness. That is all.
This is all well and good. Sometimes the statements themselves are somewhat amusing. Sometimes it's enlightening to see what my friends are fans of. And sometimes I just have to wonder why anyone feels the need to point out that they are a fan of something.
For example, "I hate it when I lose in an argument." and "Questions on a test that give away the answers to other questions", and "I love those moments where you just smile and think, "i love life." Is there anybody who likes to lose an argument or who doesn't like questions that give away the answers to other questions? Are we going to see counter pages for these? "I love losing arguments and hate it when I win." "I want my tests to be as difficult as possible. No extra points for me, please!" (Just to check, I searched for these on facebook. There were about 500 pages for "I hate life", but none that said they like hating it. There also was a result for "i hate it when one lil argument causes a fight and you lose a friend :(" I'm sure we can all get behind that.)
Then there are the ones that follow the formula "Can this [food item or other silly thing] get more fans than [celebrity or popular movement]?" For example, "Can this pickle get more fans than Nickleback?" "can this sausage roll get more fans than cheryl cole?" "Can this Pickle get more fans than Twilight?" "Can this Squirrel get more fans than Barack Obama?" "Can this poodle wearing a tinfoil hat get more fans than Glenn Beck?" "Can This Hobo Get More Fans Than Justin Bieber?" And approximately 500 more.
I think I'm going to make a page called "I like being happy." I imagine I will get thousands of fans. You should all join. If you don't, it means you hate happiness. That is all.
Portion
Maybe it's just me, but I prefer sauces to be an accompaniment to whatever they go on. For example, you eat spaghetti for dinner and put spaghetti sauce on it. This means that the bulk of the meal is the spaghetti noodles. However, most spaghetti recipes say that a serving size is 1/2 cup of pasta and 1 cup of sauce.
Recently the trend for sauces to overpower the thing you put it on is spreading, or my culinary experience is expanding. Today I went to a restaurant and got mini egg rolls that came with a dipping sauce. The sauce package was 45 grams, and the egg rolls weighed 90 grams altogether. Really? I'm supposed to eat half as much dipping sauce as egg roll? Does anyone actually do this?
Maybe I just need to adjust my thinking. Instead of putting sauce on things, I will put things in sauce. Problem solved.
Recently the trend for sauces to overpower the thing you put it on is spreading, or my culinary experience is expanding. Today I went to a restaurant and got mini egg rolls that came with a dipping sauce. The sauce package was 45 grams, and the egg rolls weighed 90 grams altogether. Really? I'm supposed to eat half as much dipping sauce as egg roll? Does anyone actually do this?
Maybe I just need to adjust my thinking. Instead of putting sauce on things, I will put things in sauce. Problem solved.
Wednesday, February 10, 2010
Fake science
Usually I'm OK with fake science in science fiction and fantasy books. If they only used real science, they would not be sci-fi or fantasy, obviously. However, I was recently thinking about the fake science found in the Twilight books.
Brief background for those who don't know: There is a vampire, Alice, who can see the future of humans and vampires, but as soon as a werewolf is involved, the entire future disappears. In the final book (*spoilers*) she also can't see the future when Bella and Edward's half-human, half-vampire baby, whose name is Renesmee, is involved. It turns out that this is because humans have 23 pairs of chromosomes, vampires have 25, and werewolves and Renesmee have 24.
Where shall we start? First of all, when two species have a different number of chromosomes they cannot interbreed and produce offspring. Second, ignoring this, Renesmee would not have 24 pairs of chromosomes. She would have 23 pairs of chromosomes and two unpaired chromosomes. As you might expect, individuals with unpaired chromosomes suffer from a variety of unpleasant conditions, most frequently including physical and mental development issues and abnormalities. OK, now let us assume that somehow Renesmee's unpaired chromosomes chose to pair together and this did not cause vast problems for her.
Alice can't see species that have 24 pairs of chromosomes, or any events these species are involved in? This means she shouldn't be able to see the future any time cultivated tobacco, potatoes, hares, gorillas, chimpanzees, deer mice, orangutans or rhesus monkeys are involved. She had better avoid Africa.
Brief background for those who don't know: There is a vampire, Alice, who can see the future of humans and vampires, but as soon as a werewolf is involved, the entire future disappears. In the final book (*spoilers*) she also can't see the future when Bella and Edward's half-human, half-vampire baby, whose name is Renesmee, is involved. It turns out that this is because humans have 23 pairs of chromosomes, vampires have 25, and werewolves and Renesmee have 24.
Where shall we start? First of all, when two species have a different number of chromosomes they cannot interbreed and produce offspring. Second, ignoring this, Renesmee would not have 24 pairs of chromosomes. She would have 23 pairs of chromosomes and two unpaired chromosomes. As you might expect, individuals with unpaired chromosomes suffer from a variety of unpleasant conditions, most frequently including physical and mental development issues and abnormalities. OK, now let us assume that somehow Renesmee's unpaired chromosomes chose to pair together and this did not cause vast problems for her.
Alice can't see species that have 24 pairs of chromosomes, or any events these species are involved in? This means she shouldn't be able to see the future any time cultivated tobacco, potatoes, hares, gorillas, chimpanzees, deer mice, orangutans or rhesus monkeys are involved. She had better avoid Africa.
Monday, February 8, 2010
The Fine Art of Deception or How I Got Bling'd
I am now officially engaged, and this is the story of how it happened.
My boyfriend Jonathan began deceiving me, aka planning, about a month ago when we first started seriously discussing marriage. He told me to make sure I didn't make any plans on March 13, because he had big plans for that day and would need me for the entire day. I suspected he intended to propose on that day. He apparently decided it would be a good smokescreen, and put considerable effort into making sure I continued to believe my proposal would be on that day. He went so far as to stage conversations with one of our good friends, who also happened to introduce us. She suggested he move the date up to the 12th so I would be surprised. He claimed he couldn't because he had deposits down. So, I expected to wait until March 13, or at least February 13. (I suspected he might move it up a month for Valentine's Day.)
Last Friday, he stopped by my apartment before I had to go to work. He told me he had gotten chocolate for me, but had eaten it when he was hungry. I told him, mostly joking, that he could make it up to me by getting me a Snickers ice cream bar. Further deception ensued. He staged another conversation with the same friend in which she said Utah temples are ugly.
I went to work from 7-10, and after work he was waiting impatiently. He told me Smith's didn't have Snickers ice cream, so he had flowers for me instead. And he also had stopped by a different store and gotten the ice cream. He suggested we go look at the "ugly" Utah temples, and I agreed. We drove to the Mount Timpanogas temple, the Oquirrh Mountain temple, and finally the Jordan River temple. We had just pulled into the parking lot when we were asked to leave, as they were closing the temple grounds for the night. He suggested that we stop and look at it from a nearby street. I didn't see the point, as the temple lights were already turned off, but I figured it couldn't hurt. When we had parked, he said he had a surprise for me and pulled out a bottle of sparkling cider and two wine glasses. Unfortunately, there wasn't a bottle opener to go with the cider, so he ended up breaking the bottle in half. He stood by my door and told me there was a surprise in the glove box. I found a little box with a bow on top, and opened it to find a ring box. The ring box was empty. I laughed, and decided he was probably going to give me empty ring boxes until he really proposed, probably on Feb. 13. Then I turned toward him to see him on one knee. He pulled out a disco ball he had once used to fake-propose to me and said, "Rachel P. Bohman, will you marry me?"
I don't remember what exactly I said, but yes was definitely a part of it.
My boyfriend Jonathan began deceiving me, aka planning, about a month ago when we first started seriously discussing marriage. He told me to make sure I didn't make any plans on March 13, because he had big plans for that day and would need me for the entire day. I suspected he intended to propose on that day. He apparently decided it would be a good smokescreen, and put considerable effort into making sure I continued to believe my proposal would be on that day. He went so far as to stage conversations with one of our good friends, who also happened to introduce us. She suggested he move the date up to the 12th so I would be surprised. He claimed he couldn't because he had deposits down. So, I expected to wait until March 13, or at least February 13. (I suspected he might move it up a month for Valentine's Day.)
Last Friday, he stopped by my apartment before I had to go to work. He told me he had gotten chocolate for me, but had eaten it when he was hungry. I told him, mostly joking, that he could make it up to me by getting me a Snickers ice cream bar. Further deception ensued. He staged another conversation with the same friend in which she said Utah temples are ugly.
I went to work from 7-10, and after work he was waiting impatiently. He told me Smith's didn't have Snickers ice cream, so he had flowers for me instead. And he also had stopped by a different store and gotten the ice cream. He suggested we go look at the "ugly" Utah temples, and I agreed. We drove to the Mount Timpanogas temple, the Oquirrh Mountain temple, and finally the Jordan River temple. We had just pulled into the parking lot when we were asked to leave, as they were closing the temple grounds for the night. He suggested that we stop and look at it from a nearby street. I didn't see the point, as the temple lights were already turned off, but I figured it couldn't hurt. When we had parked, he said he had a surprise for me and pulled out a bottle of sparkling cider and two wine glasses. Unfortunately, there wasn't a bottle opener to go with the cider, so he ended up breaking the bottle in half. He stood by my door and told me there was a surprise in the glove box. I found a little box with a bow on top, and opened it to find a ring box. The ring box was empty. I laughed, and decided he was probably going to give me empty ring boxes until he really proposed, probably on Feb. 13. Then I turned toward him to see him on one knee. He pulled out a disco ball he had once used to fake-propose to me and said, "Rachel P. Bohman, will you marry me?"
I don't remember what exactly I said, but yes was definitely a part of it.
Friday, February 5, 2010
Paralyzed by options
So, I've heard back from two of the companies where I applied for internships this summer. One of them was not terribly encouraging. They said they have offered the job to two other people, but if one of them refuses, I will get it. However, they also told me not to hold my breath. "If you have another opportunity for the summer, I would encourage you to not wait for us. However, there is an outside possibility that it could be available to you."
The other news I received was slightly more encouraging. They want to interview me. They encouraged me to set up my interview on one of the following dates: 2/9, 2/9, 2/9, or 2/9. After carefully considering my options, I have decided that the date that will work best for me is 2/9. So I have an interview, and hopefully will have an internship.
The other news I received was slightly more encouraging. They want to interview me. They encouraged me to set up my interview on one of the following dates: 2/9, 2/9, 2/9, or 2/9. After carefully considering my options, I have decided that the date that will work best for me is 2/9. So I have an interview, and hopefully will have an internship.
Monday, February 1, 2010
Confidence
Sometimes I see products and wonder if the company couldn't afford a marketer, or the marketer was just crazy. Today I saw a white truck that apparently belonged to a meat company. The side said "Premium Meat" and there was a picture of a chicken. The problem was that the rest of the side was covered in large red letters that said "Hi-Quality". Yeah, let me get some of that hi-quality meat. Yum.
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