Why We Have A Housing Crisis

So I have been doing some thinking (not a lot), and had a few experiences while Jonathan and I have been trying to buy a house. Here are some things I've learned.

1. The government insures loans for first-time home buyers. These loans are known as FHA loans. Apparently you can't get one for a condo or a townhome. In other words, the government does not encourage people to buy smaller or cheaper places.

2. When I said you "can't" get an FHA loan for a condo or a townhouse, what I actually meant was you can't get one unless the condo/townhouse is on an approved list. What is this approved list? I don't know. It's difficult to find.

3. The list is difficult to find because the search functionality on the FHA website has office hours. Seriously. "Message: Your request could not be processed at this time. Please try again later.
Normal hours of operation are from 8 am to 9 pm Eastern time Monday through Friday. The time is now 12:21 AM " So forget abouttrying to find a home on the weekend. Do that stuff while you're at work (especially if you live in Hawaii or Alaska).

4. The same people who think that only single-family homes are worth subsidizing and think that websites can't run around the clock are the people in charge of the federal loan and mortgage assistance programs.

5. There is a very good reason we are in a housing crisis.

Sincerity

I was driving home the other day when I heard the best radio ad ever. Seriously. It started by calling out most ads for memory enhancement products as shams.

"I'm sick of hearing ads that try to sucker you into buying their memory enhancer with flim-flam and fast talking. They talk about clinical trials, but what does that even mean? They say you can try it for free, but we all know there's no such thing as a free lunch."

It moved on to use flim-flam and slow talking to try to convince you to buy their memory enhancer.

"Memory Fixer Upper [not its real name] was developed by a neuroscientist! It has been proven in large studies to improve memory in regular folks. And you can get a risk free 30 day trial!"

I'm so glad I've found the honest memory enhancement seller. Now I'll be safe from all those quacks out there.

Sleep Talk

Or, two vignettes from the life of Jonathan and Rachel

Jonathan (extremely agitated): What are you doing?! The children are more important than the dog! Everyone knows this!
Me: We don't have children or a dog.
Jonathan: Oh. We're good then. (Rolls over and goes back to sleep.)

~

Jonathan: OK, you go fight the aliens now.
Me: You don't make any sense.
Jonathan: Who fights the aliens?
Me: Not me.
Jonathan: Yes, you.

Extreme Couponing

The other day I was at Wal-Mart buying a few necessities. Despite the fact that there were 30 lanes, only four were open. All the self-serve lanes were closed for maintenance and I had more than twenty items, so that left three lanes for me to choose between. Lanes one and two had extremely long lines. Lane three had only one person waiting, so I rushed over there, only to realize why nobody else had chosen to wait in that lane.

The only waiting person had a cart full of duplicate items. She also had one of those clear storage containers, which she had turned into a filing cabinet. There were folders labeled with different brands - Pillsbury, Kraft, Lysol, etc. Each of these seemed to be stuffed with coupons.

I decided to take my chances in one of the extremely long lines. It actually worked out pretty well for me; when I left I looked back and saw that she was still checking out.

Further adventures of Rachel

It turns out last night I forgot to include some of my very exciting adventures.

Yesterday I had to go through the new security at the Salt Lake airport. Some lines just had metal detectors, but unfortunately for me, I was in one of the enhanced lines. After going through the body scan machine, the agent directed me to stand on a mat and wait. Then he started putting on rubber gloves. Needless to say, I was not pleased. Just as I was about to decide that travel, New York, and training are all completely overrated, he told me, "You can go." He unlatched the security gate and started talking on his walkie-talkie. "Copy female. The male is still here." The guy right in front of me did not look too happy.

The hotel where I'm staying is pretty decent. The people are quite friendly, there's a fridge, stove, and microwave, and they gave us cupcakes (red velvet, pop rock, and something sweet but unidentifiable) instead of just mints. There's also an abundance of alcohol available.

Pictured: rum, whiskey, whiskey, gin, vodka, beer, and wine.

Other adventures of mine have also related to food. Last night I ordered room service for dinner. When it arrived, the bill was a lot more than I expected, but I still filled out the tip sheet. Then I looked at the itemization on the receipt. They had already charged 18% gratuity. I hope the room service person didn't think I was too rude for crossing out the tip I had written in.

Today I had 11 hours of training. Halfway through, they provided lunch for us. I was pretty excited for my turkey and brie sandwich. It was a little disappointing, though: the sandwich consisted of bread, turkey, and brie. No condiments, no vegetables, no moisture.

Rachel in the Land of the Big Apple

So I flew out to New York today for some training for my job. The trip itself was OK. I had the option of buying three small turkey sandwiches for $8.50, or half of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich for $4.50, but for some reason I passed and made due with 45 calories worth of free pretzels. I had a middle seat (I hate sitting in the middle). One of my neighbors was asleep and kept leaning on me (awkward), and the other played really loud iPod music the whole time. I did not approve of his taste in music.

Once we arrived at the airport, I took a cab to my hotel. Or rather, I gave the address of my hotel to the cab driver and asked him to take me there. He dropped me off at the first hotel he saw, and I had to walk almost a mile to my actual hotel. I both felt and looked suave as I carried my two bags down the street, completely unsure of where I was going or how much farther it would be. So that was pretty awesome.

Now I'm hanging out in my hotel. I have a roommate, but I have yet to meet her. Tomorrow I have training starting at 7:30 am, which will feel like 5:30 to me. Plus it's an hour away! Huzzah.

Degrees of Unseparation

Sometimes I look at the people Facebook suggests as my friends. John Q. Smith. I wonder how I apparently was the only person in my class or apartment complex who didn't know John Q. Smith. I have 48 friends in common with him and I've never even heard anybody talk about him.

At first I worried it must be because I'm antisocial. But then I decided the blame rests equally on my shoulders and the shoulders of John Q. Smith. I hope it bothers him as much as it bothers me. I hope he sees "Rachel Bohman Reddoch 48 friends in common" and wonders how he missed meeting me, or hearing my name at any point.