Home Insecurity

Jonathan and I recently moved. We've been in our new place for six days. Here are some of the lovely things we've seen so far.

One night we came home to an army of police cars surrounding a neighbor's door.

The next day, we were driving to the store when we saw a police SUV speeding down the street with the emergency lights on. Returning from the store, we saw a car pulled over, another police SUV, and a regular police car. Two scruffy-looking men were taking pictures of the back seat of the pulled over car. We think they were probably plain-clothes detectives. Or something.

That night, we got back from dinner and saw a firetruck and ambulance crowded around another door in our apartment complex.

Also, one of the residents in our complex has an ankle bracelet. He is not ashamed at all; he walks around in shorts. Another resident probably was waiting to do a drug deal one night while we were moving boxes in. He was just standing motionless by his car. We walked back and forth between the car and apartment five or six times, and he didn't move the whole time.

Anyway, the moral of the story is that we're probably going to be stabbed one night, but at least the police will be really familiar with the neighborhood, so they'll be able to respond quickly.

Fair Agreement

Jonathan and I bought season tickets for Seven Peaks Water park because I'll have two months this summer with nothing to do until my job starts. As everyone knows, buying or using tickets means that you're agreeing to the fine print on the back. Because I'm weird, I actually read the fine print. I never do anything about it or refuse to buy or use a product because of it, but I do read it.

Usually it's pretty standard and you release the park, employees, etc. from any injuries or death you receive due to negligence.

This one was different. We released them from liability for any harm caused by "negligence or any other acts." I assume this means they can now legally shoot us in the face or push us from the top of the water slide or slip some arsenic into our Dippin' Dots. I also assume they don't plan to take advantage of clause. Either way, it's totally worth it, right?

Cognitive Dissonance

Cognitive dissonance is defined as an uncomfortable feeling caused by holding conflicting ideas simultaneously. Buyer's remorse, when evidence exists that it is justified, is a classical example of cognitive dissonance. One will either seek to discount the new evidence, or truly regret and try to renounce the purchase. In other words, when experience clashes with expectations, you get uncomfortable. Here's another example.

Further adventures in babysitting

So another time I was babysitting for the same family I mentioned before. The six-year-old decided he had a crush on me. Everything I said, he agreed with completely. For example, he told me he loved snails. Did I love them too? "No. I think they're really gross."

"Oh, me too! I hate snails!"

He told me he really liked teasing his brothers. Wasn't that awesome? "No, I think it's probably not the best thing you could do."

"Yeah, I hardly ever tease them. I have better things to do."

He told me he hated healthy food and only liked junk food. "Yeah, junk food is good, but you can't have it all the time."

"Yeah, I only like junk food sometimes."

So, between six-year-old babysittees and Child 1 from church, I'm pretty sure I'm irresistible to children. I suppose that means I should have great responsibility to go with my great power.

Un-Benefited

So I recently got a preapproved credit card offer in the mail. It seemed like a good deal because if I spent $500 within three months and paid it off, they would give me an additional $500 in gift cards. We already spend that much on groceries and other necessities, so why not?

Apparently preapproved is not the same as approved. My application was denied. Fine.

Twilight Zone

So, I haven't really accomplished anything. Life is going as usual, and nothing really noteworthy has happened. And when that's the way things are, I blog about experiences from my past! Like the babysittees from the Twilight Zone.

When I was a teenager, a young family in my ward asked me to watch their four children for an evening. I accepted because I naively assumed that if they didn't think I could handle their children, they wouldn't ask me.

When I arrived, they introduced me to their children. Jason was six and had been diagnosed with ADHD. Mark and Tim were four-year-old twins. Mark was autistic and Tim was on the heart transplant waiting list. Anna was two and had no diagnosed conditions. When I heard about their special needs, I was a little apprehensive. But still, if it was that difficult to deal with them, they wouldn't be hiring a 14-year old, right?

The parents did their best to lay down the ground rules in a clear, non-intimidating way. They gave me their cell phone number. They gave me the number to page if the hospital called and said a transplant was available for Tim. They told me Tim had to drink something besides water with his dinner (Pedialite or Ensure or something). He was not to walk up the stairs, and everything should be fine.

Fine. I could handle that. Things went fine for a while. We had dinner. Tim had his special drink, and the other kids had water. We played with their legos, watched a short movie, and read a few books. Then it was time for bed. Tim pulled up his shirt and presented me with a hypodermic needle. "What's this for?" I asked.

Jason was ready with an answer. "You have to give him a shot in his tummy. If you don't, he'll DIE!"

I was unprepared for this. Deep down, I knew that if their son's life would be endangered by not receiving a shot, they would have told me about it before they left. But what if it was so commonplace to them that they just forgot? I called the parents. They informed me that no, I did not have to stab Tim in the stomach with a needle. I was grateful.

I carried Tim upstairs, and everybody brushed their teeth. As Tim was brushing, Jason warned me that if any water slipped down Tim's throat, he would DIE! I called the parents again. Again, negative on the death risk. But don't let him drink too much.

I got the kids into their bedrooms. There was a huge contraption in the corner of Tim and Mark's room. I asked what it was for. Jason came running in. "That's Tim's oxygen machine! If you don't help him put the tubes in his nose and get it turned on, he'll DIE in the night!" I asked Tim if this was true. He said it was, indeed, the truth. I asked Mark. Mark corroborated.

We got Tim hooked up to his oxygen machine. Five or six more times the kids called me up and informed me Tim's life was in danger if I didn't do X immediately! Each time I called the parents, and each time they said lack of X would not, in fact, endanger Tim's life.

Eventually the kids settled down. Later still, the parents arrived home. They went upstairs to see their kids. "Why is Tim hooked up to his oxygen machine?"

"Well, they all seemed to agree he needed it."

Apparently not. Apparently it was just for special occasions or something. Apparently the whole time there was no extra risk. And apparently they really didn't hire a 14-year-old for something incredibly dangerous and complex. And apparently they weren't too irritated by my multiple phone calls, because they asked me to babysit for them many more times after that, despite the episode always including real or imagined disaster at some point.

Cranky

So Jonathan, in addition to talking in his sleep, is sometimes cranky in the mornings, often because of something he's dreamed. The other day he had another sleep-talking episode, and it was hilarious as usual.

I was getting ready for school and he was sleeping when he started calling for me. "Rachel! Rachel! I need you now!" I went into the bedroom.

"What's up?"

"I have some tips for you!" I asked what I needed tips on. "How to win your competition." I asked what competition he was talking about. He was exasperated that I would ask such a stupid question. "The female competition, of course." Of course. I should have realized that myself. I decided to play along and see what else he would come up with. "Oh, yeah?"

Jonathan mumbled some tips. Again, I said, "Yeah? That's what I should do?" More slurred words. "Yeah?"

This seemed to irritate him. "Stop saying yeah like you know all this!"

I didn't have a good response to that. "OK?"

"No. Don't say OK either. Say yes."

OK. I could do that. "Yes." He mumbled some more stuff that probably seemed very important at the time. Eventually I told him I had to leave so I could get to school on time. He mumbled some more stuff. "Yes," I said.

This irritated him also. "Don't say yes! It's not even true. You're such a liar."

OK, then. Apparently "yes" is the only appropriate affirmative. Except when using it makes you a liar.